Before I actually tell the story of when I saw my face for the first time, I will say I remember someone in my room at the burn unit teling me I will look different for the rest of my life. I think I figured out who told me this but I am still not sure because I was in the coma.
I actually saw my bruns for the first in the burn until one afternoon with Tabor and my OT right there. When I saw my face it was some time in that week I was at burn unit before I went to Free Bed that I saw them and it was not my idea but they wanted me to see my face before I left. She handed me a mirror and said we want you to see what you look like now, so I looked at myself for a couple minutes. I said I don't look bad at all. They both agreed with me. I didn't think it was a big to me at the time to see what my face looked like because of what I had heard which I mentioned above and that was the only thing I saw at this point. I knew some what where I had been burned but I could never full understand how my back was burned and today it is still hard for me to understand that it is like just the sides of my back and I think I am still getting that wrong.
When I got to Free Bed that is when my burns became a big deal. I was in a wheelchair and when they would wheel in the bathroom to brush my teeth, they would leave me infront of the mirror and for a while I could not see my face because of the eye goo (medicine or ointment) that I have to have in my eyes because my left eye does not close all the way so it keeps it moist. So that was not a big deal but one day I either didnt have it in yet or something and I saw my face. I was mortified. I could not believe what I looked like. I thought I looked like a monster. At this point, I was reall hard on myself because of the way I looked. I understood I looked different then before but to actually understand how different, hit me hard. Tabor, Mom and Marty hated it when I called myself a monster and tried to tell me I was not but my mind was made up. I had asked Tabor one day what he thought I looked like and he said great. They all could still see the old Julie in me and I could not. I am not all about looks but at this time it was hard to see a different face when I was use to the old face I had for 25 yrs. I told one of my friends that had called me that when she say either a picture of me or me in person that I looked different and the only way I could explain it since she never saw a burn patient before was like a monster. It took me a couple months to get over this and still some days it is harder to remember I look different exspecially in public but I am getting better.
More to come tomorrow
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Thankful Thursday #284
3 months ago
2 comments:
Julie, thanks for answering that question! I was hoping someone would tell us all how that went with you. I can imagine it would be hard to wake up one morning with a completely different face than the one you were used to for 25 years. It's too bad they were not able to do the surgery on your face before you woke up, so maybe the adjustment wouldn't have been such a shock. Honestly, I have seen other burn patints before, and you look great compared to many many many of them. I worry more about your pain levels, though...the skin looks like it's tight or pulling...does it hurt? I know, that's a dumb question, but I guess I mean, like, in comparison to your other burns, what hurst the most...what it the most uncomfortable one? When they do your facial surgery, what, exactly are they planning to do?? Thanks for keeping us all nformed of your journey. It's wonderful to finally hear it coming from you! Looking forward to lots and lost more details! I'm glad someone is finally blogging! I have been getting bored! :) Oh, and by the way, I see no monsters when I look at your pictures on your carepage:) I still see the Julie Parot I knew in college;)
Thanks for keeping us updated and informed! We love yah!
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